Abyss
by historylover
Summary: One-shot, not a repost. Possible Kleenex warning. Depends on your feelings.


A/N: Not a repost. An original one-shot. I'm probably pretty rusty at these, so this is probably pretty rambling. If so, I apologize. Probably AU.

Disclaimer: As always, don't own them. And I will also invoke the Mystery Science 3000 motto here too: Repeat to yourself "This is just a show. I should really just relax." (You wouldn't believe the problems I've had with people apparently unaware of this fact.)

**Abyss**

"Wow! Look at that!" Dean watched the colors play against the rocks in the Grand Canyon. He turned to Sam, who leaned against the Impala. "You don't want to look?"

Sam didn't answer. Instead, he fiddled with the box in his hands.

Dean turned back to the giant abyss. He couldn't believe everything was over. Although he doubted that the fighting would ever end.

He gently kicked a stone towards the edge of the rim and watched it fall until he could no longer see the rock. All he could see was the beautiful sun and shadows, constantly changing the rocks different colors. He could see the various caves and crags in the rock face. The shadows made them look almost black.

He looked back over the edge of the rim. He could see the Colorado River, making its unending journey through the rocks. Constantly cutting them, little by little. He couldn't believe something that looked like a stream from this height could cut such a massive, beautiful, epic landscape.

"Sammy?" Dean asked again, half turning to Sam, yet unable to take his eyes off the majesty that he constantly missed.

Sam sighed and dragged himself away from the car.

Dean felt a wave of frustration and sorrow shoot over him. He nudged another rock over the edge of the rim and watched it fall out of sight.

Suddenly, his mind drifted to people who he had met throughout the years. He was shocked that he remembered all their names and faces. He wondered where they were now, what they were doing.

He hoped they remained safe, despite this war.

Dean looked back into the abyss. Shadows were starting to cover the Colorado River, obscuring it from view from above. Soon, he won't be able to see it at all.

It made him a little sad to think of it.

"He who fights monsters should see to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you," Dean quoted. He glanced over at Sam, who was staring at him. _No, through me_, Dean thought, uneasy. Until he noticed that Sam was looking at the rock face. "Yes, I read, Sasquatch. Didn't expect me to know that, did you? All those hidden depths?"

Sam turned away and resumed fiddling with the box he was holding.

Dean sighed. "I'm a monster."

"You still think so?" Castiel's voice came from behind him. "After all this time?"

Dean glanced at the angel. "I know I am. I'd have to be. After everything I've seen. After everything I've done."

Castiel stood beside Dean. "For what it is worth, I think you're hardly a monster. Furthest thing from it."

"That doesn't change anything," Dean muttered.

"You are a good man, Dean. You not only stared into the abyss, you entered it and let it surround you. You had to adapt to it in order to survive it, and you did things that you didn't like. But, it never changed who you are. You took extreme care not to become a monster, and you never became one. No matter what you think and what you feel."

Dean sighed and turned to look at the angel fully. "You suddenly have a smart mouth, you know that?"

"I learned from the best."

Dean chuckled, then looked back at Sam, who had gotten the box open but was just watching the deepening shadows. "I don't remember it happening. This time, anyways. I remember everything of when my deal came up."

"It happened fast. No one was able to see it coming. But, you saved a lot of people. You saved me." Castiel nodded towards Sam. "Him."

"I didn't feel a thing."

Castiel looked down. "Good. I am glad to hear that." He looked back out over the Grand Canyon. "This truly is a beautiful place."

"Yeah. You know, I've never been here before."

The angel shifted. "That is a shame."

"Driven by here more times than I can count. But, I just never was able to come. Kind of funny that I'm able to come after I died."

Castiel frowned. "I do not see where that is humorous."

"Is this permanent now?" Dean asked, ignoring the statement. He saw the irony, even if no one else did.

"Yes."

Dean backed up and looked over at Sam. "Will he all right?"

"We hope so. His work is not finished yet, but you have saved him, in so many ways. I think he will be fine."

Dean stood behind Sam and watched as Sam started to shake out ashes—his ashes—out of the box. The breeze caught them and blew them over the rim's edge.

"Are you ready to go?" Castiel asked from behind him.

"No." Dean felt a wave of terror sweep over him. "Since when do you reap?"

"Angels make exceptions on rare occasions. I will accompany you to your destination."

"Yeah? Where is my destination?"

Castiel smiled. "You went out fighting for the side of angels and for my Father. You fell in battle, as a true warrior. Do you really think you will be going back to Hell? Your fight is over. Also, your mother and father are waiting for you."

Dean looked at Sam again. Sam looked so sad. Dean hoped that Sam wouldn't do anything stupid.

Not on his account.

The shadows started reaching over the edge. Into the abyss stretching below it. Dean stood by Sam, hoping to make this moment last. Wishing he could let Sam know he was all right. For the first time in his life.

"Are you ready to go?" Castiel asked again.

As if he heard the angel, Sam whispered, "Goodbye," and walked back to the car.

"Dean?" Castiel asked, a little louder.

Dean shook his head. "Not yet."

Castiel stepped forward and stood by Dean again. "It is beautiful here. We can stay a few more minutes. I am ready when you are."

End

A/N: The quote is from Friedrech Nietzsche's "Beyond Good and Evil." I came across that quote, although I haven't read the book. But, I liked the quote.


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